Best Beavis and Butthead Quotes, past and present:

1. “I am the Great Cornholio, I need T.P. for my bunghole” -Beavis

2. “Uh, hey, baby.” “Damn we’re smooth.” “We’re gonna score” -Beavis and Butthead

3. “Do you have T.P. for my bunghole? I would hate for my holio to get polio.” -Beavis as Cornholio

4. “Settle down Beavis. This is only gonna hurt for like a minute or something.” – Butthead

5. “Thinking sucks” -Beavis “Work sucks, let’s go break something” -Butthead

6. “Hey Butt-head, I dreamed I was at school last night. Do you think that counts for attendance?”- Beavis

7. Beavis, you monkeyspank. -Butthead “Shut-up fart knocker!!” -Beavis

8. BREAKING THE LAW, BREAKING THE LAW, BREAKING THE LAW -Beavis and Butthead

9.“My list includes any girl with at least one boob” Butthead “My list is like your list, but it also includes your MOM” -Beavis

10. “Shut up Butthead, we’re never gonna score, everyone here has probably scored. This old lady probably scores” -Beavis In Beavis and Butthead The Movie- Tour Bus Scene

11. “These dudes are pretty cool for a bunch of mimes” -Butthead About a KISS video

12. Beavis, you’re gonna keep talking about loogies, and I’m gonna be too busy swinging around my gigantic schlong. – Butt-head

13. “I will fight for you until your heart stops beating…can I have some of your popcorn?”-Butt-Head to an unsuspecting fellow moviegoer.

14. “How come there aren’t any, like, women in his lair?”
”They’re probably out doing his bidding.” -Beavis and Butt-Head discussing a homeless man, whom they believe to be a werewolf.

15.“Thank you oh great master for your wisdom, but we were wondering if you could, like, bite us.”-Butt-Head, to the homeless man whom he believes to be a werewolf.

16. “Yeah I know they’re medical marvels and all, but I really don’t want to change their catheters again.”-a nurse tending to a comatose Beavis and Butt-Head.

17. “Hey, Beavis. This guy’s your dad.”-Butt-Head referring to Yanni after watching one of his videos

18. “Beavis, you are one stupid son of a bitch”-Butthead

19. Dammit Beavis, you just sent my boner to the ground.- Butt-head

20. “Come to Butthead”-Butthead

21. Say one more bad thing about Metallica and I’ll kick your ass! – Beavis to Butt-head

22. These guys remind me of Danzig and my butt.
Beavis: That’s not very nice, Butt-Head.
Butt-head: Yeah it is. My butt rules! -Butthead Said while watching a Type O Negative video

23. “If they like, did this chart long enough, they would find out where herpes began.” – Beavis and butthead ripping on a Jersey Shore Episode, one of the girls is going over a chart of all the people she hooked up with.

24. I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I simply cannot have students roaming the halls, disrupting other classes, and giving prophecies of a great plague!- Principal McVicker

25. “Shut up Beavis before I kick your ass so hard it’ll turn inside-out and come out your mouth.”-Butthead

26. (Discussing a SCAT video) Beavis: “They should have a name for this kind of music.” Butt-head: “They already do Beavis, crap.”

27. (911 call while Butt-head is choking) 911 dispatcher: “Have you performed the Heimlich on him?” Beavis: “Have I licked his rectum? No, but there was this one time me and Butt-head were playing truth or dare…”

28. “Man I tell what, I felt like a one-legged cat try’in to burry turd’s on a frozen pond out there.”- Tom

29. “Did you know when you eat rump roast you’re eating a cow’s butt?” -Beavis

30. “Nachos rule!!” -Beavis and Butthead

31. “If you love something, and you set it free, and it doesn’t come back, you’re a dumbass.” -Butthead

32. “Butt-head, is it normal for the inside of your bunghole to itch?”-Beavis

33. “Check it out Butt-head, this chicken has three boobs. How many butts does she have?”- Beavis

34. “Beavis, your balls are filthy. Take them to the ball washer immediately.”-Butthead

35. “If you took an x-ray of your weiner would you see a bone?”-Beavis

36. “Beavis, why and the hell do you wanna kiss your ass?”-Beavis

37. “Beavis you dumbass! There always has been TV! There’s just more channels now!” -Butthead

38. “Beaver kicks ass!”-Beavis

39. “Uh, your cow’s like, broken sir.”-Butthead

New Beavis and Butthead Quotes 2011 episodes 1-7

40. Episode 1 – Regarding a homeless man they believe to be a werewolf:

”How come there aren’t any, like, women in his lair?”
”They’re probably out doing his bidding.”

41. Episode 2 – Butthead to a caller on a tech-support hotline:

”Do people ever tell you sound boring on the phone? Can you like, shut up, and tell me how to get this computer to show porn?”

42. Episode 2 – “Abandoned Drive-ins kick ass.” -Butt-Head

43. Episode 3 – Beavis and Butthead experience an army base:

”Where’s the bathroom around here?”
”Eh, I don’t know. I think they call it something else in the army. Like, the ‘mess hall’ or something.”

44. Episode 3 – “A bed shouldn’t have instructions. Except for, like, ‘Sleep.’”
– Beavis, on Ikea.

45. Episode 4 – Beavis and Butthead give commentary on a music video:

”Is that a lesbian or a Mexican?”
”You’re not supposed to say those words, Butt-Head.”

46. Episode 5 – Butthead returns from using the restroom while at work:

”Hey, Beavis! I just thought of something. I’m at work, but, like, I wasn’t working. I just got paid to take a dump.”

47. Episode 5 -”So what made you want to shine a light on the issue of teen obesity?”
”Uhh, we wanted to get famous and score. So we, like, ate a lot of Burger World food.” -Martin a classmate asks Beavis why he’s only eating fast food for 30 days.

48. Episode 6 – Beavis confronts a rat eating his nachos:

”That son of a bitch ate our nachos.”
”That’s right, Beavis, and that is a crime for which it must be punished.”

49. Episode 6 – “I’m gonna report this! this is a health violation!”
”Yeah, the food here sucks.”
-A woman complains to Burger World employee Butt-Head after finding a rat in her order.

50. Episode 7 – Butthead talks to a scientist who has survived the apocalypse:
”I see your spacesuit, like, saved you from the acopalypse–so do you wanna, like, recopulate the earth?”